the end.

"I'm glad I did it, partly because it was well worth it,

but chiefly because I will never have to do it again."

- Mark Twain

live like a Honduras PCV challenge.

Following in the footsteps of the website www.LiveLikeAPCV.org, I created my own challenge for someone in the United States to live like a peach core volunteer in Honduras. To make this challenge possible, I will cut the challenge down to one day. Be sure to make it the hottest day of the year.

The night before you undertake this challenge, go out and purchase the following:

plastic fan

laxatives

candles

jar of mosquitos

one-ply toilet paper

cheapest bottle of rum

stray dog

rooster

*make sure you have $7 and only $7 for the day.

On the night before the challenge, set the thermostat to 95 degrees F for the next 24-hours. Put the stray dog and rooster in your house so you can wake up to the sounds of Honduras. Set a radio alarm clock for 4 am and tune it to Evangelical music, volume: high. Carry the rooster around with you all the next day.

Shower with your garden hose. Bring the bucket.

Take one laxative every three hours for the rest of the day. (This will simulate the usual effects of a Honduran diet on your stomach.)

Tuck all valuable items away in your socks, bra, underwear, or a hidden pocket.

Catch a hitchhike in the back of a truck full of Mexicans to the nearest 7-11 and buy a bag of Salsa Verde Doritos for breakfast.

Effects of laxative should be working. Take a shit in the next outhouse you find. Allow yourself two sheets of one-ply toilet paper. In case you still cannot shit, hover over toilet seat for one minute.

Before boarding the public bus back home, buy a pizza and try selling the slices to other passengers. Throw the trash out window.

Once you get home, lock yourself in a room with the bottle of rum, the plastic fan, a crusty book, a bucket and a gram of shwag. Choose three of the five for the next four hours.

POWER OUTAGE! If you chose the fan to escape the 95 degree climate in your home, you’re shit-outta-luck.

You have one tablespoon of mayonnaise, two cups of four-day-old beans, one egg, a rotting banana, hot sauce and some lard. Cook dinner by candlelight using only one burner.

POWER BACK! Check your email using 56K dial-up. Don’t stop until all your usual tasks are completed, even though you may be experiencing extreme frustration.

More diarrhea. Use a toilet other than your own – bring the one-ply toilet paper. Flush by pouring water down the toilet with the bucket.

Turn on the set of speakers in living room to Reggaeton and another set of speakers to Ranchera, both blasting on the highest level. Lay down on your dog’s bed, tuck rooster in, and grab jar of mosquitos and RELEASE!

Sleep if you can.

pro surfer. couch, that is.

My peach core group recently had its Close Of Service Conference. Starting out as 50 invitees, arriving to country as 49, swearing in as 44 volunteers, only 26 of us remain. We are the survivors – of a country who has chewed us up and attempted to spit us out, we held on tight. There have been ups and downs; we have watched friends leave due to conflict with Trudy’s rules, men, guns, babies, machetes, health problems, and personal issues back at home.

Although I have only known my fellow volunteers for two years, they have become lifelong friends. I have gotten to know wonderful people from all over the States – Kansas, Colorado, Illinois, Maine, the Carolinas, D.C., Texas, Florida, Arizona, Pennsylvania, Oregon, Washington, California, Michigan, New Jersey, New York...

My next step is ambiguous, with the exception of a one-way ticket to South America with two awesome people who guarantee entertainment & excitement simply with their presence.

In addition to great friendships, Honduras has taught me independence, acceptance, extreme patience, and how to stick up for myself. There have been a few great locals I have met in the midst of the heinous ones. I have learned to love the tranquil lifestyle, the fruit juice, and the tropical climate. I also love not worrying about car insurance, the nine-to-five, the law, or changing out of my PJs.

After South America (whenever that happens to be), my couch surfing journey begins. I will probably kick it off in Maine and end with a bang in Colorado. Then back to making money. I miss money.

On a side note, we recently voted on superlatives for our peach core group. I won “Most Likely to Break the Rules” but lost for “Most Likely to Get Kicked Out.” I must be doing something right.

“Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.”

- Dalai Lama

new year?

I feel like 2010 came and went surprisingly fast. And I welcome 2011 with open arms, excited to see where my next steps will be taken.

With only 3½ months to go until my next adventure, I close this one with extreme appreciation for everyone who has been by my side during the journey. It has been a blast.

Number of:

costumes sported: 7

parties hosted: 3

safety & security incidents: 2

accidents in my pants: 0

sushi rolls consumed: 11

tranny prostitutes befriended: 3

failed mountain climbs: 1

hours traveled by bus: 226

baleadas devoured: 82

giant piñata beer bottle fights: 1

days escaped to the States: 31

hot Dutch visitors: 1

body paint sessions: 2

turkeys at Olancho Thanksgiving: 2

new tattoos: 1

slices of bacon enjoyed since re-adapting carnivorous lifestyle: 96

Lady Gagas for life: 6

nights wasted: 0

nights I’ve gotten wasted: 2.5

random dance parties: 33

highest points Drew Brees scored in 2009 FF league: 39

sunsets watched: 332

near death experiences: 4

recipes learned: 12

recipes mastered: 0

mosquito bites: 999

Fat Tire’s left in my fridge: 0

times chased by a shirtless Hondureño: 1

visitors: 5

people who said they were visiting but didn’t: 6

borders crossed: 2

holey articles of clothing: 56

friends who have stuck by my side through it all: 22

regrets: 0

it isn't all bad.

“When you move from one country to another you have to accept that there are some things that are better and some things that are worse, and there is nothing you can do about it.”

- Bill Bryson, I’m A Stranger Here Myself

Since arriving in Honduras there have been many things I have had to adapt to, from cold bucket baths to deep fried pigskin with the hair still attached. But it isn’t ALL bad. The United States of America are wonderful, but not perfect. I would actually like to introduce a few things from this cheese-less hellhole to my country.

bolsas de agua

Yeah, we have drinking fountains, but these are a lot more fun.

glass bottle sodas made w/ cane sugar

Nothing is better.

mototaxis

Picture this: you are wasted at a bar and have no money for a real taxi. The answer to this dillema is the mototaxi, a quick & cheap way for the drunk to avoid another DUI. There are also no doors on this vehicle, allowing for fresh air and a simple puke off the side.

fruit

I guess we can always import the stuff, but it flows freely here right in my backyard.

two-hour lunch breaks

Nuff said.

the baleada

Basic and delicious for the cheap breakfast, lunch or dinner.

the punta

Booty-shakin’ fun dance.

tajadas (fried plantain chips)

Bet you can’t eat just one.

cheap rum

Flor de Caña is $6 a bottle, and gets you there. Gee whiz, I make $6 a day. Perfect.

(lack of) punctuality

Americans are so damn uptight about being on time. I like showing up two hours late for a work meeting too. What?