dear dad.

So, you’re coming to Honduras. I have a few pieces of advice (a.k.a. warnings) before you set foot in this gorgeous tropical country…

1) The food here is unpleasant. Make sure you get your fix of delicious American delicacies before coming down. And don’t avoid Mexican food before your trip. Honduran food is NOTHING like Mexican food. Seriously, go out and order nachos, eat Taco Bell, have a burrito.
2) The cheese here is gross. Please bring me some. PLEASE.
3) Your daughter is going to get piropoed. This means there will be men everywhere shouting things from hello baby, I love you to suck my d*@%, to even more vulgar things. It is the machismo culture here. You cannot get mad or kick anyone’s ass for it.
4) Tall, white men are a target for crime. Being 6’4” in a country where the average men’s height is 5’, I am sure you will stick out like a sore thumb. Keep all important things in your bra and don’t pack anything of value (other than the Guinness I asked for).
5) Cutting in line is cultural for old people. And, since you are now considered old (age-wise only of course), feel free to push anyone aside to save yourself a good spot.
6) Don’t drink the water and throw your TP in the trash. I know.

use this photo as a shopping list

Phrases you may need to know:

* Que rico/a.
This means how delicious. As I have previously mentioned, the food here sucks. But it is polite to say this anyway. And try to keep a smile on your face and rub your stomach for effect.

* Buen provecho.
The equivalent to bon appétit. If you are eating in a restaurant, at least three people will tell you this. People will even enter the restaurant just to tell you to enjoy your meal. This is how much they love the phrase.

* Salud. Dinero. Amor.
When someone sneezes once, a person responds with salud(health). Twice, they use dinero(money). And the third time, amor(love). I’d like to think they aren’t ranked by importance, but I know better. And if you sneeze a forth time, who knows?

* Permiso.
This is a nice way of saying get the hell outta my way. I have a feeling you are going to need to use this one a lot.

* No hablo español.
I don’t speak Spanish.

* ¿Hay vino tinto?
The word hay means is there or do you have any. And, most important, vino tinto means red wine. Essential. The red wine selection here sucks, so feel free to bring some if you want.

* Adios.
Say this to anyone you see on the streets including stray dogs, passed out drunks, horses and babies. It is the equivalent to aloha in Hawaii – doubles as both hello and goodbye.


Follow these instructions, study the words, and we will have a great time when you get here! Can’t wait!

Love,
Biffy